MY COLUMN: Vegas makes its can't-miss pitch for GOP 2016

After the last of the pitches by cities vying to host the 2016 Republican National Convention, Chairman Reince Priebus sat down with his aides.

Here’s what happened:

Priebus: So what do you think?

Aide No. 1: Has to be Vegas.

Aide No. 2: I agree.

Aide No. 3: Dallas was pretty impressive, though.

Priebus: What did you like about Dallas?

Aide No. 3: Well, they talked about having the Cowboy cheerleaders come to events. And Tony Romo promised to schmooze, too.

Aide No. 1: Romo? So what? What’s he going to do, give the delegates a dissertation on throwing interceptions at crucial times in big games? We Republicans know how to do that already.

Priebus: That’s not funny. It’s true. But it’s not funny.

Aide No. 2: And it’s Texas. We have Texas locked up. Nevada is a key swing state, has an up and coming governor and a large Hispanic population. And Sheldon, too.

Priebus (smiling): Yessss. Sheldon. He really wants this. And I understand he has a lot of money. (laughs)

Aide No. 2: Will he pony up?

Priebus: Oh, yes. That’s not an issue. It’s that resolution he wants passed at the convention.

Aide No. 1: Which one?

Priebus: The one to outlaw Internet poker. I got an email from him while I was in his casino playing on a mobile device and logged on to Don’t tell him.

Aide No. 3: I think we can finesse that. I’m more worried about bypassing those three Ohio cities. Ohio is the swing state.

Priebus: Seriously? Can you imagine me telling the conventioneers that they will be going to Columbus or Cincinnati or Cleveland instead of Vegas? I’d have a revolt on my hands. That would be enough for someone to switch parties or join Ready for Hillary.

Aide No. 1: Seems to me we have to give Kansas City serious consideration because of the Kochs. They could win some of those Senate races for us.

Aide No. 3: And with what Reid has been saying about them, we kind of owe them. And think of what we could do with that right in their backyard.

Priebus: The Kochs will be with us no matter what. They are all in with Americans for Prosperity. And speaking of backyards, I’d much rather be in Harry’s backyard. And by then we will have talked Sandoval into running against him, so we can showcase the governor in Vegas. I bet Sheldon would agree to put Sandoval’s face up on the Venetian marquee.

Aide No. 2: Better yet, a looping highlight reel of Reid’s gaffes. The media will eat that up, play it every night. And we can turn the volume up when the media are doing their live hits outside.

Priebus: I like how you think.

Aide No. 3: You know Reid is supportive of bringing the convention here?

Priebus: What?

Aide No. 1: Yes, Reid said he likes the idea.

Priebus: It worries me a little bit that Harry says he’s supportive of the city’s bid. I feel that is tantamount to the team’s owner giving a vote of confidence to the embattled manager. Kiss of death. He must be up to something.

Aide No. 2: Like what?

Priebus: Making some kind of backchannel deal.

Aide No. 3: Such as?

Priebus: To be honest, he did contact me and tell me that if I could get a guarantee from Sandoval not to run against him, he wouldn’t pull any of his tricks to screw this up.

Aide No. 1: So?

Priebus: I told him I’d work on it. The problem is Sandoval is the perfect candidate against Reid, so I would hate to lose him.

Aide No. 2: You think Reid is trustworthy?

Priebus: Jon Huntsman, Sr. told me he is. That’s good enough for me.

Aide No. 3: What about that crazy state party there?

Priebus: Yeah, I remember during 2012, I couldn’t even deal with those fools. We had to go around them. One of the parties there even sanctioned me because I didn't kowtow to Ron Paul. I still have nightmares.

Aide No. 1: Don’t worry, Mr. chairman. We can contain them.

Priebus: How?

Aide No. 2: We have a plan. We are going to tell them Denver got the convention, so they’ll go there instead.

Priebus: But won’t there be stories in the papers about Vegas getting it?

Aide No. 3: Yeah, but we’ll just do what Republicans always do: Blame the mainstream media for lying. It’ll work.

Priebus: I just wish Vegas had a good local political program so we could get some exposure for our people. But there is nothing remotely watchable.

Aide No. 1: Yeah, that is a downside. They have nothing.

Priebus: Well, even Vegas can’t have everything.